By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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