My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
