Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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