I CAN MOONWALK!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
are you so shy because you have an std?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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