My girlfriend figured out who you are.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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