I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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