If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize