my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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