Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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