i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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