Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
