Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
