If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love having hate sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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