In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
