Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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