Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Your dad touched me again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
