recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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