you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
