Little spoons don't ask big questions
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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