im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
