rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
