don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
