please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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