She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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