I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
