Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
