Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
