i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
