Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
