He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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