Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
