I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
