non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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