Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
