At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
