Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
