The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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