On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
