Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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