Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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