One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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