I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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