Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
