I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
