Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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