I think I am morally bankrupt
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize