i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
