That's when you crack a 10am beer
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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