Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
