if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
