we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
