Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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