oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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