She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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