There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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