You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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