I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
