Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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