"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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