I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
