a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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