I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
