Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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