If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Randomize
