Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
