I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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